Recognizing Your Own Red Flags
Red flags are easier to recognize in others, but how do we even recognize our own red flag.
If you’re like me, then you grew up with alike friends who don’t know how to resolve conflict due to similar upbringings.
We all aim to people-please. We unconsciously avoid conflicts by not setting and sticking to personal boundaries, and then not communicating hurt feelings properly - many things are swept under table and we move on with life.
If that sounds like you, then you’re like me - where I just let everything go and everything is fine. But by people pleasing and avoiding dealing with upset feelings. I never thought I would have to have to deal with being upset.
I can just not be upset, not be mad, be happy all the time, right??
Definitely NOT! If we have learned ANYTHING from the movie Inside Out, it’s that each emotion is valid, and Anger is one we often don’t learn how to handle.
We ignore anger until it becomes TOO much, and then that’s when we progress to patterns we learned in childhood.
We have heard that we grow up to be like our parents,
and I know most of us probably grew up thinking no way, we will be better than them – but how?
I encourage you to look deeply at how you handle things when you are feeling:
upset
angry
sad
or overwhelmed
– these are the inherited traits from your parents.
Have you argued with a friend, and then totally cut them out of your life?
Have you AVOIDED an argument with a friend and instead kept your upset emotions locked in?
Do you feel hurt and very defensive when your friends point out a flaw in you?
Do you immediately get angry when your friend/partner wants to talk about any bad feelings?
If you answer yes, then you have some unrecognized traumas (either childhood or other events or relationships through life).
We need to recognize our behaviors and aim to heal and grow stronger together.
I have an anxious attachment to an avoidant attachment partner and setting myself up to be in the same pattern I grew up.
I truly believe I was given this chance to recognize and heal my wounds and help others around me.